Sunday, November 11, 2012
Sorry!
Although I don't have many followers, I still feel guilty for not keeping up with this blog. More so for myself, than for anyone else. I apologize to anyone who still follows me! Life has been on a constant roller-coaster.
I am still in Atlanta, and I still like it a lot. Although things have not turned out as I had hoped, I still hang on to faith that it will get there. I am still with mi Papi, or as I call him now, Boo-Boo. Ghetto maybe, but I like it. :)
Unfortunately, since moving here, I have stopped writing, stopped my photography, stopped going out, stopped pretty much everything that defined me as me. It is not an easy one to come to terms with and I refuse to accept it. I just don't know where to go from here. Although it would be the easy route to take, I can't fully blame the Boo for all of it. It isn't his fault, it is only mine. I should have held on to myself and what makes me happy. I let it go for the sake of the survival of others.
The fact that I opened up this blog once again, is a huge step. Writing feels foreign to me. I miss the familiarity of the keys to my finger tips. I miss the words and emotions flowing freely from my mind to the blank page in front of me. It is a struggle now. Not only with time but with the unfamiliarity of it. It doesn't feel natural anymore. This all makes me so sad.
I have lost my identity. I don't even look like myself anymore. After ridiculous weight gain, I am even fearful of seeing old friends. I am not myself in any sense of the word.
From today on, I am on a mission to find myself once again. To stop apologizing for my emotions and my passion. To leap out and grab onto opportunities that I have been missing by the handful. No more fear, only blind faith. Not in others, but in myself. I can do it! I will do it!
I am still in Atlanta, and I still like it a lot. Although things have not turned out as I had hoped, I still hang on to faith that it will get there. I am still with mi Papi, or as I call him now, Boo-Boo. Ghetto maybe, but I like it. :)
Unfortunately, since moving here, I have stopped writing, stopped my photography, stopped going out, stopped pretty much everything that defined me as me. It is not an easy one to come to terms with and I refuse to accept it. I just don't know where to go from here. Although it would be the easy route to take, I can't fully blame the Boo for all of it. It isn't his fault, it is only mine. I should have held on to myself and what makes me happy. I let it go for the sake of the survival of others.
The fact that I opened up this blog once again, is a huge step. Writing feels foreign to me. I miss the familiarity of the keys to my finger tips. I miss the words and emotions flowing freely from my mind to the blank page in front of me. It is a struggle now. Not only with time but with the unfamiliarity of it. It doesn't feel natural anymore. This all makes me so sad.
I have lost my identity. I don't even look like myself anymore. After ridiculous weight gain, I am even fearful of seeing old friends. I am not myself in any sense of the word.
From today on, I am on a mission to find myself once again. To stop apologizing for my emotions and my passion. To leap out and grab onto opportunities that I have been missing by the handful. No more fear, only blind faith. Not in others, but in myself. I can do it! I will do it!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
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